After Darillium
by AVeryBritishFangirl
Summary: I already wrote a 13/River first meeting headcannon but clearly it wasn't angsty enough so hear we are. Will be ongoing and I'll do my best to add new chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I've been trying to figure out for a while how y'all pit comments up here and I guess this is how! Here is the first couple of chapters, hope you enjoy! Sadly, it will be getting angsty round here quite soon so buckle up lol. If y'all have any feedback/comments please share them. Thanks and enjoy :)**

The Doctor, Ryan, Yaz.and Graham weave their way purposefully through a crowded square on some distant planet the Doctor was in the middle of describing to the others.

"... And the people 'ere are basically like you and I, well you, but they 'ave an extra arm, well I say arm but I mean more venomous spiked appendage but you get the gist-"

The rambling Yorkshire voice falters taking the others by surprise as the Doctor's favourite thing in the whole universe was talking very fast about impressive and clever things. Their surprise was further increased when they heard a strangled sob coming from ahead of them where the Doctor was now stopped in her tracks. The Doctor was shaking with largely silent tears at the sight of a beautiful head of curls in the crowd ahead. She runs forward without caring who she jostled on the way and launches herself at the woman, wrapping her arms around her tightly and sobbing into her shoulder.

The woman is quite taken aback by this unexpected assault and looks first down at the unfamiliar head still crying onto her denim jacket and then around for any explanation. Yaz, Ryan and Graham had jogged after the Doctor and were skidding to a stop as the woman looked up at them.

"Doctor?" Asked Yaz tentatively.

Something lit up in the strangers eyes. "Doctor?" She directed the question at Yaz in a disbelieving yet hopeful tone. Yaz half nodded still entirely disorientated by the scene. The woman choked out a kind of laugh and took the woman encircling her gently by the arms moving her to face her.

"Doctor?" She asks the still hiccuping, tear-stained woman in front of her.

The Doctor can't choke out an answer so she simply moves forward meeting her lips to the other woman's. The curly haired woman immediately reciprocates bringing her hands up to the smaller woman's face as her arms stay as ever wrapped around her as if scared to ever let her go again. Although the Doctor continues to sob, their kiss ebbs and flows and the Doctor's crying subsides as she pours all the words she can't get out into the kiss.

As they break apart, the Doctor whispers through a wobbly, teary smile, "River."

She pulls River Song close again and whispers next to her ear "River. My wife. My River, Professor River Song."

River traces smooth circular Gallifreyan on the Doctor's back, soothing her and holding her until the sobs between words stop wracking her body.

She gently pulls the Doctor around again to face her. "It's been a long time for you hasn't it." It's not a question.

"River you 'ave no idea how amazing it is to see you." The Doctor looks so earnest with her eyes still shining with tears it hurt River to witness so she pulls her in for another quick kiss.

When the break apart, River looks over the Doctor's shoulder to see three very confused looking companions standing with their mouths hanging varying degrees of open.

"Doctor you haven't introduced me to your friends!"


	2. Chapter 2

"So let's run through this one more time," Ryan was saying with a furrowed brow a few minutes later, "River is your wife who tried to kill you but didn't and then you got married but she still went to prison and you keep meeting in the wrong order because you both travel on time and also she's your best friends daughter."

"You forgot the part about how they named me after me." River adds looking content and amused curled up on the TARDIS couch with the Doctor, her legs tucked sideways onto the Doctors crossed legs and the Doctor's head resting on her tear-stained shoulder, arms all over the place.

"And how she's part Time Lord 'cos she was conceived in the TARDIS." The Doctor chips in with an adorably large smile splitting her cheeks.

"Alright I need a lie down." Graham interjects with a furrowed brow looking just as confused as if not more than he had been at first.

River throws back her head, curls bouncing merrily, and laughs before replacing her head on the Doctor's blonde bob. The sight is almost sickeningly adorable thinks Yaz as she observed the two exuberant woman tangled together and laughing in perfect bliss on the couch. Yaz has been staying rather quiet in her corner of the room, arms crossed and lips pursed slightly.

The Doctor notices her police officer glare and addresses her. "What's up Yaz? You're being a bit quiet."

"It's nothing Doctor." The answer comes more shortly than Yaz intended and she averts her eyes from the Doctor's shining, innocent joy.

The Doctor doesn't miss this and shifts her head off of River's shoulder to look at her. "D'you mind if I talk to these lot for a minute in private love?"

River nods faintly looking a little forlorn but in a resigned kind of way. The Doctor leans down and whispers to her and River gives her a small smile as she signals to the other three to follow her out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well look who's back from the dead! Been writing again just quarantine things y'know so here is the next chapter - I'm not super happy with it but please let me know what you think and maybe leave some suggestions because I'm a dumb idiot who hasn't got a very thorough storyboard. Sorry for being gone but hope you enjoy!**

The Doctor turns to face her friends as they enter a neighbouring room, searching each face for questions. "I know this is a lot to take in for you all but… we'll just ask me what you want to know I suppose."

The other three look at each other awkwardly before Yaz chirps up, "Well the thing is isn't it a bit odd that you never mention this woman before now and suddenly you just happen to see her on a planet we are visiting supposedly randomly? And your immediate reaction is to cry? I dunno it just seems weird to me"

The Doctor looks at Yaz intently and takes a deep, resignedly patient breath. "I can see you think I landed the TARDIS here on purpose or that River isn't really my wife or it's some kind of bizarre trap. Here's the thing though, this is why I brought you in here. I haven't told you about her before now because she's dead. I saw her die a very long time ago, the day I met her. And then I met her again and again and I fell in love and every time I knew and every time I tried to find ways around it. You have no idea how devastating loving River Song was. Is. But no matter how many ways I looked at it, I couldn't find a way to save her, only to keep cheating time, delaying the inevitable. Because you see the day she died she told me the last night we spent together was at Darillium. And that night, that beautiful, glorious night, that happened years ago. Before this face, before all of you. I thought that was the end, I had delayed it and fought it and denied it for so long. And then it happened. But now she's here and that's why I cried. Can you imagine seeing someone you love again against all odds. Imagine how that rips you up, shatters you resolve, your acceptance, your reality. She's here and I am so unbelievably happy. But I'm also destroyed and I can't tell her. The worst thing is she can't know."

Tears slide down the Doctor's cheeks again and they glisten in Yaz and Graham's eyes too. "Doctor, I'm so- I'm so sorry." Yaz chokes a little on her words.

"I can't imagine how painful this is Doc." Graham says quietly, "Well I can a bit but…" He tails of wiping his eyes.

"What are we gonna do Doctor?" Asks Ryan. "About this, about her. How can we help?"

"I don't know Ryan." The Doctor's voice is faint as she slumps down on a chair with her face buried in her hands. Just moments ago, the Doctor had seemed in a moment of joyful bliss but now it was clear to see the agony and turmoil that was lying under the surface.

The Doctor looked up suddenly as though tugged out of a reverie, her face almost impassable again. "We can't leave her there for two long, if I know River Song then I know she'll be suspicious about us being holed up in here, we better go back."

The Doctor caught sight of her friends' still concerned faces. She sighed and added, "Just act natural for now, ok? I'll work something out, alright? You know me, I always think of a plan." She tried to look encouraging, as though she was in control of the situation. This was what the Doctor always fell back on whenever she privately knew she and the fam were in a tight spot - if she could give the impression that she had everything under control, this would eventually become the case, one way or another.

She turned to leave, signalling to the others with her arm. With her back to them, the Doctor let her face fall back into a picture of deeply felt pain. River always said she never showed her thousands of years more than when her facade was cracked by grief. She shook her head a little as she slipped the mask back on before re-entering the console room.


End file.
